Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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