did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
