Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She is in my trunk
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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