Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
