i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize