good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
