Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
