i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
