How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Randomize
