I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
