he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
