trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
