So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
