frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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