I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
