they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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