So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
