my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
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I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
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Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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