I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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