after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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