I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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