they need to just BURY HIM!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
