five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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