I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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