You made me cry and you don't even care
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
