it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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