I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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