Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
