You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
