in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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