woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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