if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize