I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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