My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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