If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She even gives head with a lisp.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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