I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
