I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
