Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
