if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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