yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
