do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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