just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
