Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
