who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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