My boss' voice literally gives me gas
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
