So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
