she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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