Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
