well I can't set my house on fire every night
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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