WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
