Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I think people are normalizing furries
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
