He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
