I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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