I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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