dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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