this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I party with great urgency now.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
