I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Don't EVER smell your tampon
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
