it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
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i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
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I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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