i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
