yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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