he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
