I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
