Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
