Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
