hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Randomize
