Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
