There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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