Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
