I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He felt like a one man threesome
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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