His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize