My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
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I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
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I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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