I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She announced her abortion via fbk
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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